What's up on 12-12-09

     I woke up this morning wishing that I was not the only grown up in the house; it was freezing cold, even my little boy Jeremiah was cold under the covers. But, little boys can't (and shouldn't) reach thermostats, so I ended up having to get up and get the warm going.
      I put my feet on the floor and it felt like someone had dropped me (repeatedly) off the top of my house during the night. Pain is so hard to explain sometimes because everyone experiences it differently. But, today's pain and yesterday's pain are always different. Yesterday, my pain lasted for hours before my medicine started to even make a dent in it. Fortunately, today it only took a couple of hours and relief began to kick in. Pain today was mostly in my shoulders (probably from falling asleep in the recliner with a toddler last night) but my muscles are so sore, almost like I ran a race in my dreams.
     Another big feat of mine, recently, is trying to enter the dating world. I never entered it to begin with before I got married, and now that I'm getting divorced, I am so scared that nobody will understand what it is that I go through. On the outside, it is so easy to see a shell of a woman who looks like all the other 26 year old women out there, but keeping this body going and forcing it to get up and actually DO something is often a major undertaking. How do you explain that to a man? How do you help them to understand that it isn't just the 'damsel in distress' act when I ask for help opening the pickle jar? Well, I guess this will play out on it's own, huh?
    So much for sex and the city, more like pain meds and the city! Or would it be sex and the pain meds? Who knows! Guess we shall see.... If I ever get a date lol
     Getting through this kind of pain is so much easier said than done; there are days that I will feel decent and it only takes a little over an hour to get ready to head out the door. Even then, though, putting on makeup and getting my hair done is a job in itself, usually leaving me tired and out of breath. I have to prepare for tonight, though, when family is planning to go to the usual 'Old Bethleham' thing for the kids. Cold. Wet. Rainy. Joy!

The First Post- An Introduction to Me :)

I am Jessica, the person in charge of this page and in charge of this pain. It is almost like the magic given to a character in a television show like Charmed- a gift and a curse all in one and something that, because of how unique it is, only I can take control of.

I was always a few degrees away from normal growing up, not in an obvious kind of way but, just 'different'. I was pretty average up until I was around 5 years old, and at that time I started putting on weight pretty quickly. By the time I was 12, I was 5'5" and 230 pounds! Every ache and pain I had in my body, every time I had to wear an ace bandage because something hurt, and everytime I got sick it was always chalked up to the weight problem. Then, as a treat for the last school day in 7th grade, I went swimming with my class and used what I thought was sunscreen but was actually tanning oil. I was burned so badly that I had tiny blisters all over and an outrageous fever. Within less than 2 months from this burn, I was down to 125 pounds. A weightloss so quick that most thought it was just me finally growing into a young woman. My mom knew differently.

After numerous doctor visits and more tests than I could even describe, I was first diagnosed with System Lupus; the Scleroderma and Fibromyalgia came later. I deal with other things that are complications of both diseases, but are not diseases on their on. This is the cause of my physical pain and there are more things to learn about me.... as I keep this blog going, hopefully helping others as I go, you will learn more and more about me. Feel free to question anything and ask anything you want... this isn't just for me, afterall. It is for every single person out there that is sick, but doesn't look like it!!