Thursday, July 1, 2010
Friday, June 25, 2010
Been too long!
Well its been too terribly long and I am very sorry! I have moved to a new home and been in and out of the hospital recently so I have been a busy and exhausted girl! I will write more when I am feeling better, I promise!! For now, click on my new button to read my articles on Triond or look me up on there http://www.triond.com/users/stickyjess ! Everyone take care...
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Well, its a brand new day...but the same old problems..
Pain pain go away, come again NO other day!
Wow. I had what I fondly refer to as a Merry Sickmas. Everyone in the family was sick, literally EVERYONE! Then, on Christmas Eve night, I got horrendous stomach cramps, so bad that I thought I needed an ambulance because I could not move. This may not seem like such a major problem to most people... take some meds, get it under control and no sweat, right? WRONG! The meds I had to take to get it to stop- Im allergic to it in some way. Phenergen (used for nausea and cramps) makes my body restless all over but it also, for some reason, causes me to be in EXTREME amounts of pain for days. I feel inflammation in my joints and pain in all my muscles, even worse than I normally do. They are still trying to get my pain meds leveled out where it is in a working level so I have spent the days after Christmas taking care of my poor sick little boy..and trying to do so while I am not even at a functional level myself. This is just bull honestly. People do not understand what it's like to have to live like this. All they see is the pill bottles and they assume what- that I'm a druggy. But, the second they get the flu and feel exactly what I feel everyday the first thing they do is what- reach for a bottle of meds to get them through it. But the thing is, my meds get me through the day. Theirs, it gets them through the sickness which disappears in a week or two. Mine? It never goes away!
I guess it's a double standard; it's all good for someone to take meds when THEY need it, for as long as they need it but God forbid if a person has something that DOESNT go away.
LEARN TO LIVE WITH IT PEOPLE!
Wow. I had what I fondly refer to as a Merry Sickmas. Everyone in the family was sick, literally EVERYONE! Then, on Christmas Eve night, I got horrendous stomach cramps, so bad that I thought I needed an ambulance because I could not move. This may not seem like such a major problem to most people... take some meds, get it under control and no sweat, right? WRONG! The meds I had to take to get it to stop- Im allergic to it in some way. Phenergen (used for nausea and cramps) makes my body restless all over but it also, for some reason, causes me to be in EXTREME amounts of pain for days. I feel inflammation in my joints and pain in all my muscles, even worse than I normally do. They are still trying to get my pain meds leveled out where it is in a working level so I have spent the days after Christmas taking care of my poor sick little boy..and trying to do so while I am not even at a functional level myself. This is just bull honestly. People do not understand what it's like to have to live like this. All they see is the pill bottles and they assume what- that I'm a druggy. But, the second they get the flu and feel exactly what I feel everyday the first thing they do is what- reach for a bottle of meds to get them through it. But the thing is, my meds get me through the day. Theirs, it gets them through the sickness which disappears in a week or two. Mine? It never goes away!
I guess it's a double standard; it's all good for someone to take meds when THEY need it, for as long as they need it but God forbid if a person has something that DOESNT go away.
LEARN TO LIVE WITH IT PEOPLE!
Thursday, December 17, 2009
What's up today 12-17-2009
Well, it's another day. I've been pretty stressed lately which has a major effect on how I feel physically, so I really feel crappy. Stress and pain are kind of like a 'self building' chain- stress causes my pain to increase which increases my pain which increases my stress...you get the picture? So, if I don't find a way to lower my pain level and/or my stress level, I don't know where I will end up! I woke up this morning in so much pain I didn't want to move... I had spent the entire night having nightmares about people stealing my car, money, christmas presents and pain medicine! Then when I woke up in so much pain, I realized why the pain medicine was a part of the dream. I hope I can get something accomplished today, but it's not looking too promising. I have taken my first dose of meds today- very little effect. Unfortunately, regardlss of how well it works, the amount of things to do remains the same!!
Welcome to the confined, conflicted, confusing world of a pain sufferer!
Welcome to the confined, conflicted, confusing world of a pain sufferer!
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
What's up on 12-15-09
Well, I have missed a couple of days, obviously. I had my regular surgery (dilation of the esophagus) which is what enables me to eat soft foods. I do this every two weeks and I am currently TIRED OF IT! I have to go in, get put under, have a tube pluse balloon shoved down my throat and inflated as far as they can get it just to stretch it enough to be able to eat a little bit. The effects of it are: extremely sore for about 3 or 4 days, soreness wears off so I can eat soft things for a few days, and by the time I have gotten used to being able to swallow a few bits of noodles, the darn thing has closed back up again! Frustrating! My pain level today is pretty high, probably about a 7 because of the surgery. I woke up this morning achy all over and craving my heating pad and some hot chocolate. Unfortunately, all I had was the heating pad! But, alas, pain meds have begun to work (4 hours later!) and I am finally holding my head upright without wanting to cry. Hopefully, today will be an alright day. If I had the energy, I would get up and clean but that would undo the work of the pain meds and I would be back at square one. Lets see where the pain takes me today...
Saturday, December 12, 2009
What's up on 12-12-09
I woke up this morning wishing that I was not the only grown up in the house; it was freezing cold, even my little boy Jeremiah was cold under the covers. But, little boys can't (and shouldn't) reach thermostats, so I ended up having to get up and get the warm going.
I put my feet on the floor and it felt like someone had dropped me (repeatedly) off the top of my house during the night. Pain is so hard to explain sometimes because everyone experiences it differently. But, today's pain and yesterday's pain are always different. Yesterday, my pain lasted for hours before my medicine started to even make a dent in it. Fortunately, today it only took a couple of hours and relief began to kick in. Pain today was mostly in my shoulders (probably from falling asleep in the recliner with a toddler last night) but my muscles are so sore, almost like I ran a race in my dreams.
Another big feat of mine, recently, is trying to enter the dating world. I never entered it to begin with before I got married, and now that I'm getting divorced, I am so scared that nobody will understand what it is that I go through. On the outside, it is so easy to see a shell of a woman who looks like all the other 26 year old women out there, but keeping this body going and forcing it to get up and actually DO something is often a major undertaking. How do you explain that to a man? How do you help them to understand that it isn't just the 'damsel in distress' act when I ask for help opening the pickle jar? Well, I guess this will play out on it's own, huh?
So much for sex and the city, more like pain meds and the city! Or would it be sex and the pain meds? Who knows! Guess we shall see.... If I ever get a date lol
Getting through this kind of pain is so much easier said than done; there are days that I will feel decent and it only takes a little over an hour to get ready to head out the door. Even then, though, putting on makeup and getting my hair done is a job in itself, usually leaving me tired and out of breath. I have to prepare for tonight, though, when family is planning to go to the usual 'Old Bethleham' thing for the kids. Cold. Wet. Rainy. Joy!
I put my feet on the floor and it felt like someone had dropped me (repeatedly) off the top of my house during the night. Pain is so hard to explain sometimes because everyone experiences it differently. But, today's pain and yesterday's pain are always different. Yesterday, my pain lasted for hours before my medicine started to even make a dent in it. Fortunately, today it only took a couple of hours and relief began to kick in. Pain today was mostly in my shoulders (probably from falling asleep in the recliner with a toddler last night) but my muscles are so sore, almost like I ran a race in my dreams.
Another big feat of mine, recently, is trying to enter the dating world. I never entered it to begin with before I got married, and now that I'm getting divorced, I am so scared that nobody will understand what it is that I go through. On the outside, it is so easy to see a shell of a woman who looks like all the other 26 year old women out there, but keeping this body going and forcing it to get up and actually DO something is often a major undertaking. How do you explain that to a man? How do you help them to understand that it isn't just the 'damsel in distress' act when I ask for help opening the pickle jar? Well, I guess this will play out on it's own, huh?
So much for sex and the city, more like pain meds and the city! Or would it be sex and the pain meds? Who knows! Guess we shall see.... If I ever get a date lol
Getting through this kind of pain is so much easier said than done; there are days that I will feel decent and it only takes a little over an hour to get ready to head out the door. Even then, though, putting on makeup and getting my hair done is a job in itself, usually leaving me tired and out of breath. I have to prepare for tonight, though, when family is planning to go to the usual 'Old Bethleham' thing for the kids. Cold. Wet. Rainy. Joy!
The First Post- An Introduction to Me :)
I am Jessica, the person in charge of this page and in charge of this pain. It is almost like the magic given to a character in a television show like Charmed- a gift and a curse all in one and something that, because of how unique it is, only I can take control of.
I was always a few degrees away from normal growing up, not in an obvious kind of way but, just 'different'. I was pretty average up until I was around 5 years old, and at that time I started putting on weight pretty quickly. By the time I was 12, I was 5'5" and 230 pounds! Every ache and pain I had in my body, every time I had to wear an ace bandage because something hurt, and everytime I got sick it was always chalked up to the weight problem. Then, as a treat for the last school day in 7th grade, I went swimming with my class and used what I thought was sunscreen but was actually tanning oil. I was burned so badly that I had tiny blisters all over and an outrageous fever. Within less than 2 months from this burn, I was down to 125 pounds. A weightloss so quick that most thought it was just me finally growing into a young woman. My mom knew differently.
After numerous doctor visits and more tests than I could even describe, I was first diagnosed with System Lupus; the Scleroderma and Fibromyalgia came later. I deal with other things that are complications of both diseases, but are not diseases on their on. This is the cause of my physical pain and there are more things to learn about me.... as I keep this blog going, hopefully helping others as I go, you will learn more and more about me. Feel free to question anything and ask anything you want... this isn't just for me, afterall. It is for every single person out there that is sick, but doesn't look like it!!
I was always a few degrees away from normal growing up, not in an obvious kind of way but, just 'different'. I was pretty average up until I was around 5 years old, and at that time I started putting on weight pretty quickly. By the time I was 12, I was 5'5" and 230 pounds! Every ache and pain I had in my body, every time I had to wear an ace bandage because something hurt, and everytime I got sick it was always chalked up to the weight problem. Then, as a treat for the last school day in 7th grade, I went swimming with my class and used what I thought was sunscreen but was actually tanning oil. I was burned so badly that I had tiny blisters all over and an outrageous fever. Within less than 2 months from this burn, I was down to 125 pounds. A weightloss so quick that most thought it was just me finally growing into a young woman. My mom knew differently.
After numerous doctor visits and more tests than I could even describe, I was first diagnosed with System Lupus; the Scleroderma and Fibromyalgia came later. I deal with other things that are complications of both diseases, but are not diseases on their on. This is the cause of my physical pain and there are more things to learn about me.... as I keep this blog going, hopefully helping others as I go, you will learn more and more about me. Feel free to question anything and ask anything you want... this isn't just for me, afterall. It is for every single person out there that is sick, but doesn't look like it!!
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